Conflicted between trust and distrust
People of this personality type essentially feel insecure, as though there is nothing quite steady enough to hold onto. At the core of the type Six personality is a kind of fear or anxiety. This anxiety has a very deep source and can manifest in a variety of different styles, making Sixes somewhat difficult to describe and to type. What all Sixes have in common however, is the fear rooted at the centre of their personality, which manifests in worrying, and restless imaginings of everything that might go wrong. This tendency makes Sixes gifted at trouble shooting, but also robs the Six of much needed peace of mind and tends to deprive the personality of spontaneity. The essential anxiety at the core of the type Six fixation tends to permeate the personality with a sort of "defensive suspiciousness." Sixes don't trust easily; they are often ambivalent about others, until the person has absolutely proven herself, at which point they are likely to respond with steadfast loyalty. The loyalty of the Six is something of a two edged sword however, as Sixes are sometimes prone to stand by a friend, partner, job or cause even long after it is time to move on.
Sixes are generally looking for something or someone to believe in. This, combined with their general suspiciousness, gives rise to a complicated relationship to authority. The side of the Six which is looking for something to believe in, is often very susceptible to the temptation to turn authority over to an external source, whether it be in the form of an individual or a creed. But the Six's tendency towards distrust and suspicion works against any sort of faith in authority. Thus, two opposite pulls exist side by side in the personality of Ennea-type Six, and assume different proportions in different individuals, sometimes alternating within the same individual.
The truly confounding element when it comes to typing Sixes is that there are two fundamentally different strategies that Sixes adopt for dealing with fear. Some Sixes are basically phobic. Phobic Sixes are generally compliant, affiliative and cooperative. Other Sixes adopt the opposite strategy of dealing with fear, and become counter-phobic, essentially taking a defiant stand against whatever they find threatening. This is the Six who takes on authority or who adopts a dare devil attitude towards physical danger. Counter-phobic Sixes can be aggressive and, rather than looking for authorities, can adopt a rebellious or anti-authoritarian demeanour. Counter-phobic Sixes are often unaware of the fear that motivates their actions. In fact, Sixes in general, tend to be blind to the extent of their own anxiety. Because it is the constant back drop to all of their emotions, Sixes are frequently unaware of its existence, as they have nothing with which to contrast it.
Because Sixes so frequently fail to appreciate the extent of their own fear, they often mistype themselves. It is common for instance, for female Sixes to mistype as Twos, especially if they are identified with a helper role, but Sixes have a much more ambivalent attitude towards relationships than do Twos, who generally know exactly what they want. Sixes, failing to recognize their anxiety, can mistype as Nines, but Nines have the ability to relax and to trust in others, neither of which comes easily to Sixes. Sixes can mistype as Fours, especially if they have artistic inclinations, but they lack the Four's self-absorption. They can mistype as Fives, especially if they are intellectual, as many Sixes are, but unlike Fives, Sixes tend to be practical. Finally, counter-phobic Sixes can easily mistype as Eights, but they lack the Eight's self-certainty.
At their best: Open-minded, stable, loyal, likeable, helpful, warm &
caring, obedient, responsible, courageously supporting the weak and powerless,
they are fiercely committed and loyal to family/community.
At their worst: Hyper-vigilant, unpredictable,
self-defeating, rigid, judgmental, they can be controlling and controlled by
fear, insecure, defensive and mistrustful of others.
What do I think of Myself?
1. I'm generally balanced in my views. 2. I make very few spontaneous decisions. 3. Loyalty to the group is very important to me. 4. I am sensitive, "touchy," and I don't like being crossed. 5. I often sacrifice my independence for security. 6. Fear looms large in my life. 7. I like knowing what is expected of me. 8. I take sides in an argument and always want to know who is on my side. 9. Without rules there's no knowing what people would get up to. 10. I'm often riddled with doubt. 11. I feel I'm a coward at times. 12. I'm quicker than most at spotting trouble and danger. 13. My sense of duty often determines what I do or don't do. 14. I like to explore all the possibilities before taking action. 15. I support authority rather than go against it. 16. I come across to others as being a bit dogmatic. 17. I'm shy. 18. I often change my mind. 19. I'm often unaware of how direct I am, though I see it in others. 20. I am overly serious. 21. Indecision prevents me from achieving much good. 22. I feel inhibited in many ways. 23. I envy those who can make quick decisions. 24. I prefer to stick to a timetable than to let things just happen. 25. I find I'm probably more defensive than most people.
What do I miss because of my distorted style?
1) a sense of inner security. 2) being able to do what I want as against
what I ought. 3) a relaxed attitude
toward myself, others, life, God. 4) a
gracious approach to life. 5) being
inner-directed as opposed to outer directed.
6) freedom of the children of God, i.e., freedom from the law as against enslavement and idolatry toward
it; the law is for me not vice
versa. 7) feeling like an equal or
colleague to others as against either one up or one down. 8) trust in myself and others.
Wings
SIXES with a more developed FIVE wing tend to be more introverted,
intellectual, cautious, and stand-offish. SIXES with a more developed SEVEN wing tend to be more extroverted,
materialistic, active, and impulsive.
SIXES with SEVENS
Traits reinforce: Situational Inflexibility
-rules
for all situations -plans
for all situations
Balancing}-fear
---------------------------> -sense
of adventure
Points: } -rigid adherence to
rules -----> -spontaneity
-strong
sense of duty ---------> -spirit
of playfulness
SIXES with FIVES
Traits conflict: Over-cautiousness
-fear
of fear -fear
of looking foolish
-dependency
on others -detachment
from others
Balancing}-unsure of themselves
---------> -wisdom
within
Points: } -into
rules ------------------------> -broad
world view
-easily
threatened ---------------> -non-assertive
Arrows
When SIXES move toward the positive side of NINE, they:
-empathise more with others
-see things from a broader
point of view
-take life less seriously and
free up their energy
-put more trust in their own
inner authority
When SIXES move toward the negative side of NINE, they numb themselves with television,
reading, food, sleep, etc in order to stop obsessing; become spaced out and
apathetic.
When SIXES move toward the negative side THREE, they:
-avoid feeling anxious by
always being busy; may become workaholics
-become reluctant to try
anything new if there is any possibility of failing
-take on a role or image in
order to feel more secure
-tell lies about themselves in
order to cover up or get ahead
When SIXES move toward the positive side of THREE, they take decisive and effective action
and feel good about all they accomplish.
Conversion
1) Become calmer and more peaceful, rather than fearful and full
of doubt. It is vital that you believe that there is nothing that can destroy
your deepest self. Be still and quiet; the solution lies within you; calm your
waters and let the solution surface. Go with the flow and trust the process;
relax and float and let the stream support you; worrying isn't the solution.
Trust your instinctual ability to protect and preserve yourself; realise that
nothing can harm your essence.
2) Trust others more and become less suspicious. When you let others know you
love them, you are loved in return. You are already part of the
organisation/operation/community; you are already in the game; you don't have
to prove yourself to get in and you don't have to worry about being thrown out.
Consider positive outcomes as well as negative ones; your inclination is to see
what will go wrong and that stops you from acting; think of what might go right
to motivate you to act; you can be your own worst enemy.
3) Take responsibility for your own actions, instead of pretending to be
obeying orders. You need to become more your own person and stop hiding behind
the shield of authority. Rules are there for your benefit; you don't have to be
a slave to them; follow the spirit of the law as against the letter.
4) Avoid overreacting. In times of stress and anxiety you need
to control your fear about the imagined outcome. Challenge your fears: are they
realistic or mythical?
5) Be more direct in communicating. This involves open and clear
about feelings, and not giving mixed signals.
Transformations
1.
I now release my fear of being abandoned and alone.
2.
I NOW RELEASE my self-defeating, self-punishing tendencies.
3.
I NOW RELEASE all feelings of dread about the future.
4.
I NOW RELEASE feeling persecuted, trapped, and desperate.
5.
I NOW RELEASE overreacting and exaggerating my problems.
6.
I NOW RELEASE taking out my fears and anxieties on others.
7.
I NOW RELEASE being suspicious of others and thinking the worst of them.
8.
I NOW RELEASE feeling inferior and incapable of functioning on my own.
9.
I NOW RELEASE feeling cowardly and unsure of myself.
10.
I NOW RELEASE acting "tough" to disguise my insecurities.
11.
I NOW RELEASE my fear and dislike of those who are different from me.
12.
I NOW RELEASE blaming others for my own problems and mistakes.
13.
I NOW RELEASE being evasive and defensive with those who need me.
14. I NOW RELEASE my tendency to be negative and
complaining.
15.
I NOW RELEASE my fear of taking responsibility for my mistakes.
16. I NOW RELEASE looking to
others to make me feel secure.
17. I now affirm that I am independent and capable.
18. I NOW AFFIRM that I can keep my own identity
in groups and in relationships.
19. I NOW AFFIRM that I have faith in myself, my
talents, and my future.
20. I NOW AFFIRM that I meet difficulties with
calmness and confidence.
21. I NOW AFFIRM that I am secure and able to make
the best of whatever comes my way.
22. I NOW AFFIRM the kinship I have with every
human being.
23. I NOW AFFIRM that I am understanding and
generous to all who need me.
24. I NOW AFFIRM that I act courageously in all
circumstances.
25. I NOW AFFIRM that I find true authority
within me.
Prayer
A)
Lord God, I have been struggling to really
believe in my own value and worth. I know you have given me a wonderful variety
of gifts and talents, and called me into your close circle of friends. I
realise now what I need is faith in you and in my goodness. I know you don’t
expect impossible standards from me. You have taught me these days to give
myself permission to own my feelings and to open myself up to you and others in
a relationship of mutual trust and intimacy. Christ, have mercy.
B)
Lord God, I
thank you for giving me a great respect for the law and the gift of loyalty to
friends (family and community). Help me to understand more deeply how much you
really love me. Safe in the knowledge of this love and relying on your tender
care, may I have the courage to overcome my fears and become more trusting of
myself and others. Amen.
1. Remember that there is nothing
unusual about being anxious since everyone is anxious -- and much more often
than you might think. Learn to use your
anxiety, to explore it, and to come to terms with it. Work creatively with your tensions without
turning to excessive amounts of addictions (alcohol, food, etc) to allay
anxiety. Within reasonable limits,
anxiety can be energising, a kind of tonic that can help make you more
productive and aware of what you are doing.
2. Try not to be defensive and testy. You get edgy when you are upset or angry, and
you have a tendency to turn on people and blame others for things you have done
or brought on yourself. When you get in a bad mood, resist the tendency to
whine and to think negatively--and, ultimately, to self-destruct. Realise that often you are your own worst
enemy and may harm yourself more than anyone else does.
3. Sixes tend to overreact when they are
under stress and feeling anxious. Learn
to identify what makes you overreact.
Also realise that almost none of the things you feared so much has
actually come true, unless you have been self-defeating and have brought them
on yourself. (Even if things are as bad as you think, you can find a way to
make good come of them if you want to.)
4. Work on becoming more trusting. There are doubtless several people in your
life you can turn to who care about you and who are trustworthy. If not, go out of your way to find someone
trustworthy and allow yourself to get close to that person. This will mean
risking rejection and stirring up some of your deepest fears, but the risk is
worth taking. You have a gift for
getting people to like you, but you are unsure of yourself and may be afraid of
making a commitment to them. Therefore,
come down clearly on one side or the other of the fence in your relationships. Let people know how you feel about them.
5.
Others probably
think better of you than you realise, and few people are really out to get
you. In fact, your fears tell you more
about your attitudes toward others than they indicate about others' attitudes
toward you.
6. Accept responsibility more gracefully and maturely. People respect those who take responsibility
for their actions, especially if they have made a mistake. If you try to avoid responsibility, you may
succeed only in alienating others and in undermining the respect they have
for you.
7. You want to feel secure, but this will never be possible
unless you are secure with yourself. Sixes easily get into patterns of negative
thinking and perpetuate them by anxiety and worry. You need to focus on
becoming more self-affirming-- developing a realistic belief in yourself and
your own abilities. If you do not believe in yourself, other people probably
will not either. The challenge is, of
course, to give yourself good reasons for believing in yourself lest your
self-belief be little, more than overcompensation for your fears.
8. Do not worship authority or hide behind an "I was only
following orders" attitude.
Ingratiating yourself to those in authority, will get you nowhere in the
long run with anyone really worth associating with. If someone is looking for a team player who
will do anything he or she is told, it should not be you. That kind of person will very likely betray
you as soon as you are expendable. And
remember that if you cooperate in this kind of' behaviour, you will end with
less security, and self-respect than you had hoped to find.
9. What bothers other people and
undermines your relationships is giving others mixed signals, ambiguous signs
of your real attitudes and desires. Be
fair with others and tell them what is on your mind lest your appear
wishy-washy, indecisive, or defensive.
Any of these alternatives causes conflicts and tensions in your
relationships.
10. It is courageous for Sixes to speak up,
particularly to those in authority--to the boss, for instance, or to someone
whose help and goodwill they need. It is
very difficult for Sixes to risk criticism and rejection, but sometimes they
have no alternative. When you do speak
up, however, do not go to the other extreme and become belligerent or
antagonistic. It is difficult for you to
keep your emotions in balance, but it is a sign of real maturity when you do
so.
A) Sinfulness to be prayed
through...
1.
SIXES feel unconnected with the stream of life. I Cor 12:1-30. Interconnectedness of the parts of the body.
2. SIXES over-emphasise
authority in their effort to make connections.
Mt 20:24-28. Among the pagans
there is need to make authority felt.
3. SIXES are fearful
people. Mt 10:26-33. Do not be afraid.
4. SIXES are plagued by
uncertainty and doubt. They have no
tolerance for ambiguity. in 16:13-15.
The Spirit will lead you to complete truth.
5. SIXES withdraw to get their position. Lk 24: 44-49. Stay in the city until you are
clothed with power from God.
6. SIXES envy others- ability to deal with
feelings and decisions. Jn
11:32-41. Pray to feel and decide as
Jesus does.
7. SIXES are inhibited. Heb 4:14-16.
Be confident in approaching God.
8. SIXES are cautious and overly prudent. Rm 8:26-27.
Spirit comes to help us in our weakness.
9. SIXES are indecisive and blocked in action. 2
Th 3:1-5. The fortitude Christ gives.
10. SIXES need to check everything out. Jn 16:5-15.
Power of the Spirit will critique human judgement.
11. SIXES are distrustful. I P 2:1-3. integrity in relationships.
12. SIXES vacillate. Lk 11:23.
He/She who is not with me is against me.
14. SIXES are overly shy. Jn 15:26-27.
Power of the Spirit in human
life.
15. SIXES are overly anxious. Is 41: 10-1 1. Stop being anxious, I will
give you strength.
16. SIXES can be dogmatic. Mt 23:8-12.
You have only one teacher.
17. SIXES are willing to give up their
independence for inclusion and security.
Ac 4:18-22. Courage of Peter and John before the Sanhedrin.
18. SIXES are dependent persons.
19. SIXES over-stress fidelity to laws. Ph 3:6-16.
Paul is no longer seeking the perfection that comes from the law. It led him to persecute Christ.
20. SIXES are legalistic.
21. SIXES are
pharisaical. They place burdens on
others. Mt 23:13-32. Indictment of the Scribes and Pharisees.
22. SIXES need to justify themselves and seek
other's justification. I Cor 2:1-5. Paul can only rely on the power of the
Spirit.
23. SIXES are very aware of who is on their side
and who is against them. I Cor
3:5-9. Apollos and Paul are only human. God is the important person.
24. SIXES are hesitant and unsure. I Cor 16:13-14. Stand firm in faith. Be brave and strong.
25. SIXES are nervous and jerky. I P 5:5-1 1. Be calm and vigilant.
26. SIXES are blind to their own deviance and
project it onto others. Jn 12: 1 -1 1.
Judas is blind to his own deceit.
27. SIXES are secretive. I Jn 1:5-7. Walk in the
light.
28. SIXES have difficulty asking for what they
need. Lk 11:9-13. Ask and it will be given to you.
29. SIXES are overly serious. Jn 17:21-23. Jesus
prays for his disciples and expresses the wish to share his glory with them
even in the face of his death.
30. SIXES can be defiant. Jon 1:1-16.
Jonah rebels against his mission.
31. SIXES can be
resentful. Jon 4:1-11. God's answer to Jonah's resentment.
B) Giftedness
to rejoice in and to pray with....
1. SIXES are co-operative. Mt 22:15-22.
Render to Caesar what is Caesar's.
2. SIXES are reciprocal in relationships. Rm 12:3-13.
Do not exaggerate your own importance.
3. SIXES enter into warm-hearted friendships
marked by deep emotion and feeling. Jn
20:11-18. Mary's warm, passionate love for Jesus.
4. SIXES are whimsical and tease those they
like. They can be stimulating and fun.
Lk 2:39-40. Go to
5. SIXES are faithful. Ep 6:10-20.
Grow strong in the Lord.
6. SIXES are constant. Lk 6:46-49.
Build your house upon a rock.
7. SIXES protect those they love. Rm 15:1-6.
The strong have the duty to put up with those who are weak.
8. SIXES can be innovators in leadership and see
new possibilities. Lk 6:1-5. Jesus sees the need to critique the laws of
the Sabbath.
9. SIXES respect tradition. Mt 5:17-19.
Jesus does not come to abolish the law, but to bring it to fullness.
10. SIXES have foresight and courage. 2 Tm
1:6-14. God's gift is not a spirit of
timidity.
11. SIXES are loyal. Lk 24:13-35.
Jesus continues to be concerned about his disciples.
12. SIXES are good parenting types. Mt 19:13-15. Jesus' love for the children.
13. SIXES foster growth in others. Lk 19:11-27. Parable of the pounds.
14. SIXES are responsible people. 2 Cor 4:1-6. We
have a work entrusted to us. There must
be no weakening.
15. SIXES are gracious hosts and hostesses. Lk 22:14-18.
The meal is his most important forum.
16. SIXES do not leave a lot of things
hanging. They are single-minded. 2 Tm
4:1-5. Keep orientation clear.
17. SIXES are
balanced in relationships. 2 Tm 2:22-26.
Call to a balanced way of relating.
18. SIXES are
approachable. Mt 11:28-30. Come to me.
19. SIXES are
compassionate. Mt 18:12-14. Lost sheep.
The individual is important and felt for.
20. SIXES are
prudent. 2 Tm 3:14-17. Keep to what you
have been taught. Do not go after fads.
21. SIXES reverence and learn from elders. Heb 12:1-4.
Strength of the witness of our ancestors in the faith.
Reflection &
Meditation For Number SIX
Awareness
Deep down I'm full of fear. That's my brokenness. I'm
not willing to admit it, but it comes out in my doubts and in my deeply anxious
approach to life. I am very mistrustful ‑ of myself and others. I seem to
be continually watchful and afraid. My self‑doubt and lack of self‑confidence
make me much too dependent on others, particularly on those in a position of
authority. Relying on tradition, the law and the institutions of society gives
me a great sense of security and helps allay my fear of making a mistake.
I find it difficult to trust my own abilities and
instincts. Yet, at the same time, I do not completely trust others. I can spot
danger a mile off and am quick to look for cover. I prefer to see things in
straightforward terms, in black and white rather than shades of grey. I like to
be sure of my position and not contradict myself. To do so, I pay attention to
detail. The trouble is that I then find it hard to make up my mind. I either
hesitate and allow myself to be led by others, or I over‑compensate,
become obstinate, defiant and take risks.
Even though I work well in a group, the model I work
out of is hierarchical. There is a sense in which my loyalty to the group is
just an expression of my basic insecurity ‑ a way of finding strength in
numbers. I don't really have the courage of my own convictions. Indeed, my
sense of duty is often a cover for my anxiety about making decisions for myself.
What it amounts to is a fear of freedom, a fundamental unwillingness to say
"yes" or "no" on my own.
Advice
Our spiritual journey is from the inside out, from
selfprotective assessment to courageous commitment. We have to venture forth
and risk the possibility of getting shot down. We cannot keep backing out of
life, refusing to make decisions or get involved for fear of what might go
wrong. We have a " stop‑go" mentality, an "on‑off"
approach. If we wait until we have certitude we will never act at all. True
discipleship involves costly action. Trust in God means facing our fear of the
unfamiliar, the unknown and the unexpected.
Attention
As a rule we tend to keep our guard up and are afraid
to let go. We don't trust our feelings and avoid spontaneity. It will help us
in our prayer if we do what we can to trust our deepest selves and continually
remind ourselves that God loves us. Talking with God as we would to a best
friend will move us on from repeating set formulas written by others. If we focus
on our breathing, we can make each breath a "thank‑you" to the
Spirit, the Breath of life. Another suggestion is to place our hands palms
upwards on our knees and, with our eyes fixed on them, allow them to reflect
back to us our letting go of fear and our openness to whatever God surprises us
with.
Scripture meditation for
Number TWO
1) Matthew 25:14‑30 (Parable of the Talents)
This parable is essentially about seizing the
opportunity when it is presented, rather than being so cautious that we allow ourselves
to be paralyzed by fear.
2) John 20:24‑29 (Doubt no more, but
believe)
We like certainties and find
it difficult to cope with doubt, ambiguity or loose ends. We are afraid to risk
committing ourselves without supporting evidence. Our search for verification
can even lead us to withdraw from others and in so doing miss the unexpected
truth. But God is patient with us and gently leads us to inner conviction and
faith.
3) Mark 2:23‑28 (The Sabbath is made for
man)
Jesus respected the law, but
was not limited by it. He had the inner freedom to act beyond the social,
cultural and religious boundaries of his time. In doing so he was able to reach
everyone‑tax collectors, prostitutes, lepers and even gentiles.
4) John 15:9‑17 (God loves us deeply)
Fear results from over‑exaggerating
what is expected of us. When we deepen our awareness of God's love for us, we
begin to experience an inner confidence without which we can have no lasting
security. Moreover, we can then learn to re‑direct the energies we vainly
spend in trying to counter our fears.
5) Matthew 10:26‑33 (The courage of our
convictions)
With God's protection and
providence there is no need to be afraid. Understanding that enables us to be
courageous in professing our faith and witnessing to the truth, no matter how
intimidating the circumstances may be.